I Left Her Because Her Father Disowned Her

She didn’t have a job when we first met. She told me, “I am a nurse waiting to be posted.” She was struggling to survive so I decided to take care of her financial needs. The love I felt for her right from the beginning of our relationship was so strong that I performed her knocking rights almost immediately after she agreed to be my girlfriend.…CONTINUE READING

After the knocking rites, I had to leave town to further my education, so I moved her into my house. I didn’t want her to be there alone so I made my nephew go and live with her. Everything she needed to be comfortable, I provided it. I didn’t wait for her to ask before I gave her what she needed. And if it came to a point where she had to ask me for something, I gave it to her without complaints.

I did all this for her, yet when she started working she refused to tell me how much she earned at the end of the month. I found her behaviour hurtful, considering she was living in my house and I was still paying for all her expenses. What even surprised me the most was that it never once crossed her mind to give me a gift. All she did was take from me.

For the entire two years we were together, she didn’t even buy me a handkerchief or a pen. I was not expecting her to spend lavishly on me. All I wanted was for her to show a little gesture of affection. Us men want to feel loved too, you know. We also want to receive things from our women that tell us that they are thinking of us.

Apart from her stinginess, another thing she did that concerned me was her temperament. Whenever she does something I don’t like, and I try to tell her about it, she reacts angrily. She would throw tantrums and say all sorts of hurtful things. Then when she calms down she would come and say, “I am sorry I acted out when you were trying to address something that was not right with our relationship.” Because I love her, I would accept her apology and let it go. But the next time I try to bring something to her attention, she would react angrily again, only to apologize later.

Although we were not officially married, I knew I was going to marry her. So we were relaxed about birth control. I wanted her to have my child. For two years we were doing it without protection. Yet there was not even a single pregnancy scare. I was concerned, especially after she told me she had experienced no fewer than four miscarriages. I asked her, “As a healthcare worker, shouldn’t you seek medical attention so we know the cause of these miscarriages?” She just shrugged and said okay.

When I realized she was too unbothered by our situation, I sought the assistance of a herbalist. I hoped we could get some herbal remedies that would help. She played along and made me believe that she was interested in the medication. However, when I came home for a visit, I discovered packs of contraceptives in her bag. This happened about a month ago. I felt betrayed and deceived. While I was busy planning our future, she chose to take contraceptives without talking to me about it. She must have thought me a fool when I was trying to get her help for her supposed miscarriages. I was broken.

Another thing I saw when I came home was her attitude toward her father. The kind of messages I saw on her phone to her father was disheartening. She was very loud and disrespectful toward him. The only thought that went through my mind was, “If this is the way she talks to the man who brought her into this world, then she will chew me like gum and spit me out when she has decided she’s had enough.”

What surprised me about all this was her dedication to church work. She goes to church every day of every week. Even when there is something urgent she has to attend to, she would say; “I will deal with it when I close from church.” I don’t understand why someone who spends so much time in church has a very stinky character.

She does not apply logic when logic is needed. All she knows is ‘Akwankyere’ – prophetic directions. She believes that is the answer for everything. If she doesn’t consult her prophet, she won’t make any decision concerning her life. I don’t know what they teach her in church to make her treat her father poorly. Whatever happened to the first commandment with a promise?

The other day, her father called for a meeting. My uncle accompanied me to this meeting. When we got there, her father returned the schnapps we presented to him during the knocking ceremony. He told us, “I just want you to know that I am washing my hands when it comes to anything involving my daughter. When you are ready to marry her, go to her mother’s family and perform the rites.” One of her uncles was also at this meeting. Which means it is a family decision to disown her.

How can I marry a woman whose relationship with her father has deteriorated beyond repair? If the family is unable to resolve their conflict with her, then I cannot continue the relationship. They even warned me that if I marry her and we have problems I shouldn’t come to them. Because of this, I was scared to marry her.

I love this girl so much but her disrespectful behavior has ruined everything. If and only if some of these churches will focus on character building instead of the numerous ‘Akwankyere’, a lot of our problems will be resolved. I had to walk away from her because the drama was too much. Where do I even go from here? My heart is so broken.

—Bernie