If I tell Jeff that I want to get married today, he will hurriedly do what needs to be done to make it happen. That’s how eager he is to marry me. He is a decent man so I also want to marry him. However, due to past experiences, I am taking my time. I want to be absolutely sure that he is the one for me before I dive into something as deep as marriage….CONTINUE READING…CONTINUE READING
Jeff and I are Ghanaians who live abroad in hopes of creating better opportunities for ourselves. I have been here longer than he has, so I have all the right documents to work with. He, on the other hand, doesn’t. He is able to work with what he has but we all know he will earn more if all his documents are intact. If I marry him, I can help him with that.
This is why I am being careful. I don’t want it to be that he is marrying me because of papers. It has been done to me before. That one wasn’t even marriage. The man asked me to help his sister join us. He was so sincere that I believed him completely. It was after I helped the woman join us that I discovered that she was not his sister. She is his wife. When someone you love and trust, exploits you like this, you become wary of everyone.
It took a long time for me to entertain the notion of love again. And though I have fallen in love again, I am not doing it blindly. My eyes are as sharp as a cat’s in the dark. I believe that is what is creating problems for me and Jeff right now.
When we started dating he told me, “I have three children and a baby mama back home. I am no longer together with the woman but I provide for her and my children. I promise that this will not get in the way of our relationship.” Everyone has a past. So why should I fault a man for having kids long before he met me? I didn’t mind at all that he is a father. I also tried not to concern myself with how much money he sends to them. All that mattered to me was that he took good care of me as well.
However, as our relationship went on, he complained that his baby mama was draining him financially. She asked for money to do everything. From school fees to utility bills, he paid for it. At a point, I even suggested, “Try and help her gain some financial independence so she would stop depending on you for everything.” He said he would look into it. So I left it there.
The other day he came to tell me, “I have decided to help the mother of my children travel to the USA. That way she will get better opportunities and our children will go live with her when she is settled. What do you think?” “It is a good idea,” I encouraged him. She is the mother of his children so if he can help her do better in life, why not? Besides, if she is doing well for herself she won’t be so dependent on him. I was also happy that the children would benefit from this opportunity.
So imagine my reaction when Jeff told me, “I am glad you believe what I want to do for her is good. The fact that you agree with me means you will help me make it happen.” “What?” That’s all I could say. Instead of him to stop right there he went on to say, “I am not financially sound enough to make it happen, but you are. You can sponsor her to move from the US without my help, even.” It felt like a déjà vu.
The only way this situation is different from my past is that we don’t live in the USA. So Jeff’s baby mama won’t be anywhere near us. But still, what he asked me to do didn’t sound right. I asked him, “If I have money like you nicely put it, then wouldn’t I use it to support my relatives? Don’t you think I have siblings and cousins who want to travel abroad too? Please, do whatever you want to do for your ex but don’t involve me in it.”
This issue has caused more arguments and quarrels between us than we have ever experienced in our two years together. He calls me selfish. He says I’m an unsupportive girlfriend. The only question I continue to ask him is, “So if I ask you to open your wallet and use your money to support my ex-boyfriend to travel abroad, will you do it?” He is not able to give me an answer. First of all, I will never ask him to do that because I know it’s an unreasonable request. That’s what he is failing to understand.
We have been fighting over this for months now and I am tired. I don’t want to fight anymore. Especially a fight that has to do with my own money. So I decided to seek your counsel. Tell me, am I as selfish as he says I am? If I can afford to sponsor someone’s travel abroad, shouldn’t it be a relative of mine instead of my boyfriend’s baby mama? Who among us is right? Is it me or is it him?….CONTINUE READING
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