1. Your partner acts like he or she is in charge.
Having a partner who is too controlling is a sign of bad behavior.
Your partner might try to tell you what to do and when to do it. Or, they might expect you to agree with their values no matter what. O’Reilly says that there are many ways in which your partner can be controlling, and that this is not okay. “They want you to feel what they feel when they’re going through something—they expect you to have the same reaction,” she tells Bustle. “That person could be bad for your safety or way of life.”
2. Your partner verbally or emotionally hurts you.
O’Reilly says that controlling behavior can sometimes lead to an abusive relationship, which can be either verbal or emotional abuse. When you try to tell your partner how they make you feel, they may insult you, make fun of you in front of other people, or gaslight you. O’Reilly says that all of these actions are wrong. She says that if your partner treats you this way, you should talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you deal with the abuse and leave the relationship in a safe way.
3. Your partner physically hurts you.
Physical abuse is another kind of partner violence that O’Reilly says is a clear sign that you should leave your partner. She says that if your partner gets violent or hurts you in any way, you should talk to a trusted friend or professional who can help you get away from the situation in a safe way.
4. When you don’t want to have sex, your partner makes you feel bad.
Before 1993, it wasn’t against the law in every US state to rape your spouse. Most state criminal codes had something called a “marital rape exemption,” which basically said that rape between spouses was not allowed. RAINN says that these laws were based on the idea that forced sex is a “wifely duty” or that only raping a stranger is “real rape.” Rape is now a crime, just like other forms of sexual assault, but it still happens, is often not reported, and the people who do it are often not punished. Our culture already makes it hard for people who have been raped to recognize and report it. If your partner is a rapist, it’s even harder for you to realize that.
5. You don’t like yourself when you’re with your partner.
O’Reilly says that your partner should make you feel like the best version of yourself. If you feel like the worst version of yourself when you’re with them, that’s a sign that something is wrong. If your partner says or does things that make you feel like you shouldn’t be proud of yourself or sure of who you are, they aren’t treating you with the respect you deserve.
O’Reilly says that a good way to tell if a relationship is right for you is if your friends and family are worried about how your partner acts.
6. Your partner makes you promise to change.
Alomari says that being cut off from your friends isn’t the only sign that someone is controlling you. It’s also not okay if your partner makes you give up your hobbies, certain parts of your personality, or other important parts of your life. “No,” she tells Bustle, “if they make you feel like you have to give up the things that make you you.” “Someone who really cares about you will support your relationships and hobbies and push you to keep doing them because they want you to be happy.”
7. Your body reacts to the way your partner acts.
Have you ever noticed that when your partner is around, you get tense? That’s another sign that the way they treat you makes you nervous, which O’Reilly says is not a good foundation for a relationship. “It’s very natural for the body to react to stress,” she tells Bustle. “Check in with your body to see if it knows when they walk into the room.” If your body is feeling stressed because of your SO, that’s a sign that their behavior doesn’t make you feel at ease, which is a reason to talk to them or break up.
